My lessons from being "Heart Scammed"

“Heart Scammed”

“When the emotions start rising…step back and start praying!”

It appears that there are more major groups, not just individuals of “heart Scammers” on some of the internet dating sites these days.

I'm a divorced 62 year old woman; haven’t had or wanted a date in 10 years. My friend was telling me about meeting her husband on a dating site and has been happily married for over 8 years now. So I decided it was time to let my heart out of the closet and just go for it. What could it hurt?

I signed up to a site that caters to the people looking for others of my same religious persuasion and a few of the other cheaper sites. I started getting viewed by younger men on a couple of these sites. Oh, my word, I was really going to have to suck my stomach in for these guys! I’ll have to be bouncing on my rebounder 24/7 while I keep them at bay for a month before they can see more than a head shot on the video cam!

Wow! I just spent three days getting super "twitterpated" by a guy that has a real program of scamming women in my category. He was only 8 years younger than me! I felt so blessed! The waddles under my chin even looked tighter, ‘because they were so happy to be someone’s beloved.

Then things seemed to not add up and my radar started getting hyper-vigilent. I was able to put a lot of pieces together and determine the plot/scenarios and it seems like there is a pattern of totally enmeshing you in worded splendor, so much so that you lose yourself in fantasy and possibilities. Your mind gets so boggled because you’re in a blissful bubble of endearment. I was in a stupor of thought – lost all brain power because the hormones took over. (Grateful it was only 3 days! I think words are a woman’s Viagra….)

After my horrific humiliation and need to crawl in a corner and just slit my wrists, I decided to stand up and fight back. I don’t know what material good it really did, but it sure eased the pain and brought back the sanity. So I unabashedly share my sad (and now a little hilarious) tale of whoa and caution to help you come out of your corners and closets and stand with the rest of the “Heart Scammed” survivors (I know you’re out there!). And hopefully the rest of you will learn something too!

Here are some of the tricks of the heart-scamming trade:

• Your beloved is younger than you "Age difference doesn't matter"(You feel so "privileged" that a younger man would be interested in a more mature woman, such as yourself! Who do we think we are anyway - Demi Moore looking for our Aston Kutcher!)

• He wants to be loved by a perfect woman (No such thing - hormones ensure that!!!)

• He’s got a respectable occupation (civil engineer, finance manager - innuendos of owning his own business, with several secretaries, also in real estate, owns houses in different states, owns several cars, loves to travel, can't wait to take you on a vacation/cruise with him- (Oh goodness! Maybe I can quit my job and be by his side forever!!!!!!)

• He’s so good looking to you - (He even has hair!)

• He just signed up to this dating site today, so he’s new at this. (Such innocence!)

• He hasn't dated since his wife’s death (3-6 years) because he is recovering from his loss, but now ready. (The respect and tenderness card. He must have loved her so much to process his grief and loss so long. Maybe he'll love me that much! Oh yea! I’m so lucky to catch him before the other females get their claws on him.)

• He doesn't want to talk details about his deceased spouse. (How respectful of him! Unusual though - since widowers with happy marriages want to memorialize the deceased wife. Plus, they will usually marry quickly – a lot within a year – after a good marriage.)

• Usually widowed - (You feel sorry for his loss but figure you don't have to deal with an "ex")

• He professes immediate love even though you have never met or talked in person. (And of course you are totally smitten yourself – God brought you together! It’s a miracle!)

• Oh, so poetic - (Oh, how that tweeked my twitterpation muscles! – But wait, how can he instant message prose so quickly – even 20 lines of it at a time?!!!!!)

• He doesn't answer specific questions, but gives you generalities. (Like most men!!!)

• He’s Spiritual/Religious. (He even inserts Bible scripture references – already typed out – which may not always apply to the discussion at hand.)

• He usually has at least a boy and a girl - now they are motherless. (The "sympathy" ploy.)

• He’s looking for a mother for his children (He’s such a good father, and so tender hearted. Of course it will grab the heart of any real "mother.") He even laid on the, “When Mia was young she asked me to buy her a mommy.” (How long ago did his wife die?!!!!)

• The children are away from home for some reason, "My sister took her after my wife died"; "Son’s away at college now." (So now the coast is clear for you and your hunk to be in total bliss, with children out of the way.)

• Children are close to the age when they would be leaving home in less than 4 years (So you can anticipate having "the love of your life" all to yourself for eternity!)

• Kids are out of the country – their birthdays are coming up soon - would you like to contribute to their gift? (A way to get your money!!!!! - Luckily that was a real red flag....the money thing!) ("I'm having my agent ship a baby grand piano to Mia in England....would you like to contribute...since we're so close?")

• He usually has pets (To tweek the hearts of those of us who are pet lovers).


Business women, be particularly aware, don’t give him any hints about what your company does, or where it is because they will look it up and who knows what will come of that.

When you start "chatting" on Yahoo IM and they give you a cell phone number - do a search online for where it is. Is it in the same location he says he’s from? Is it really a cell phone? This one was a landline.....and because no "owner" could be identified in the search, led me to believe that it is probably a "call center" that a "group" is working from with similar templates.

I did report him to the online company. I don’t know what they can do, but I at least had the satisfaction of “doing something”!

I'm just grateful it was only 3 days! Sure I'm embarrassed for getting so emotional (but it told me I still have the capacity to get “turned on” (Oh Yea!!!!) , but maybe the blessing in this whole thing is that I was able to "discern" some "disconnects" and act on them before the scam evolved further.

As we went along those 3 days, I copied and documented all of our “chats” and put them in a file. (As evidence of his undying love for me and to dwell on the sweet words that so tickled my heart……. Who needs a guy anyway! The script will suffice for now!!!!)

Because I am a Life Skills Coach and Energy Therapist, I was able to "process" the trauma from this "adventure" within a day.

I'm putting together a conference call for women that have been heart scammed to teach them tools to release the pain and trauma they may still be holding on to.

I'm also writing a book on "heart scamming" - the scenarios - the pain and ramifications of the "adventure" - suggestions for others to heal from the scars, and more. Let's join together to bring this to light so others can come home to themselves and stop the suffering.

Please send your stories to elainewilliams1947@gmail.com or just post them here on the blog. Tell your friends about us.

Elaine - Mobile Mom